Jeff Foxworthy started this whole thing with his “you might be a redneck..” schtick and I thought some of it was pretty funny.
So coming up for a blog post today I thought that why not add a little levity to the vegan plight. After all if you were wondering how many vegans there are, then you know we’re growing and at the moment there’s around 3% of the US population representing the vegan ethic and lifestyle.
So take these “you might be a vegan…” sayings with some brevity and humour. It is all in good fun and good jest. If we can’t laugh at ourselves then the ending of animal suffering is gonna be a long and tiresome path 🙂
You know you’re a vegan when… you use the Vulcan’s hand greeting and salutation “live long and prosper” with all your veg*n friends. The Vulcan’s were vegetarian don’t you know. It has become the secret vegan handshake.
You know you’re a vegan when… people ask you if you eat honey and you respond by saying that you don’t eat the vomit of any animals especially bee vomit.
You know you’re a vegan when… people ask you that dairy’s okay right and you tell them you don’t suckle on the teats of calves’ mothers.
You know you’re a vegan when… people ask you what you love and you tell them “I love seitan” and they think vegans are the very anti-christs themselves.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know what cyanocobalamin is and it isn’t an artist’s paint.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know what the difference is between the durian and the mangosteen and which one is the king and which one is the queen.
You know you’re a vegan when… when you know what the difference is between ergocalciferol and cholecalciferol and which one is once swum in the sea.
You know you’re a vegan when… at the shoe store you start sniffing shoes… ‘cos your well tuned nose can sniff the difference between leather and synthetic.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know the difference between Donald Duck and Donald Watson and ain’t just their last names.
You know you’re a vegan when… your favourite cologne or perfume is patchouli.
You know you’re a vegan when… you aspire along the righteous path to becoming a breatharian (not!)
You know you’re a vegan when… you keep looking at other shoppers’ shopping carts and counting how many animals must have died for all the animal parts in there.
You know you’re a vegan when… your nutritional supplement of choice is Vega and you get the vegan 25% discount… you know, secret vegan handshakes and secrete societies of vegans 😉
You know you’re a vegan when… you learn about another celebrity embracing the vegan lifestyle you get a self righteous shiver run up your spine and smug smirk curl your lips.
You know you’re a vegan when… learning that above said celebrity fell off the wagon you curse the imbeciles and their fake ways.
You know you’re a vegan when… your lifelong dream is to make it to that city we call the vegan mecca… yeah, Portland OR.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know the names of all the rescued animals at Farm Sanctuary Watkins Glen… bonus points if you know the names of all the animals at Farm Sanctuary’s 2 California farms too.
You know you’re a vegan when… the name ALF is not just about a furry cartoon character but about rescuing real furry friends.
You know you’re a vegan when… you’ve contemplated putting your cat on the same diet even though she’s an obligate carnivore.
You know you’re a vegan when… you’re on a first name basis with all the staff at your local Whole Foods.
You know you’re a vegan when… you’ve uncovered that the secret hidden meaning of many scientific named ingredients on labels literally means “made with animal parts”. Case in point: Sodium Caseinate.
You know you’re a vegan when… you smugly tell potential boyfriends and girlfriends that vegans taste better… just sayin’ 🙂
You know you’re a vegan when… asked where you get your protein you roll your eyes and think to yourself “here we go again”.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know the difference between edamame, tofu, miso, tempeh and seitan and which one is the odd man out.
You know you’re a vegan when… the smell of BBQ meat makes your stomach turn realizing exactly what it is. An arm or a leg just like yours.
You know you’re a vegan when… hemp is not just a by product of a vegan drug, but a legitimate fashion statement.
You know you’re a vegan when… you’ve naturally become a speed reader from scanning thousands of ingredient labels looking for hidden animal ingredients.
You know you’re a vegan when… you know which company to choose when given the choice between Revlon and L’Oreal. Beauty is more than skin deep… hint, your choice should start with the letter R.
You know you’re a vegan when… before getting a tattoo you confirm with the tattoo artist that s/he’s using soy based ink.
You know you’re a vegan when… all the little insect critters in your home are welcomed guests and not seen as annoying pests.
Will you help me add to this list. Got any great “You know you’re a vegan when… quotes to help keep the ball rolling?