Where Are The Vegans In The Supermarket?

I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while peeps. I can’t for the life of me remember seeing any vegans in the supermarket lines for like years. Ears and ears of years. Well, you might be asking yourself, dude how can you tell there are no vegans at the supermarket. Well, I can’t say for certain but here’s how I make that general guess. I suppose beside from me, the vegan vixens and vegan vikings are shopping at Whole Foods. I joke, I don’t, and probably a lot of vegans don’t shop at natural food stores all the time.

Geesh, stop rambling. I know, I know, I’m supposed to be telling you how I know there are no vegans in the supermarket line ups. Well, take a look around next time. Each time I’m at the store I check out the folks in front of me and the folks behind me. Bacon’s everywhere, so is beef and milk and eggs. Fuck, the latest favorites of the Hannibal cannibals? Chicken. Those poor freaking chickens. Have you seen Meet Your Meat? If you haven’t and you’r vegan don’t worry about it, it’ll just upset you. If you haven’t and you’ve just stuffed your face with the flesh of my tortured feathered friend then you owe the chicken that much. And don’t be a pussy either. If you can’t stomach it you shouldn’t stomach it. Capiche?

Speaking of Paul McCartney, he narrates Meet Your Meat, DUDE… when you gonna step on up and take a ride on the V-Train, yeah, the vegan train? Enough of this shit already, get onboard we’re about to get going.

So anyways, as I was saying, I’ve never, ever, ever (did I say ever?) seen a trolley full of vegan food at the supermarket line. Have you? Take a peek next time and call me a liar. I hope I am, then again, I’m in the thick of it here in cattle country so maybe that doesn’t help. And I’m talking about regular supermarkets like Safeway and those. In fact, I’d go further and say that I haven’t seen a trolley full of vegetarian food in forever either.

And then, just when I think we’re making progress, Tim Ferris comes out with the 4 Hour Body. Now I’ve been a fan, ever since the 4 Hour Workweek, but I call BS on a lot of the stuff he has in this tome. Sorry I bought it in a way, though some of it was interesting and useful… maybe 10%. But everyone’s jumping on this Paleo bullshit bandwagon. For fuck’s sake. Are you kidding me, we’re going back to hunting and gathering, like that’s what we really were… doubtful about that anyway. So yeah, he’s full of eating meat and protein and stuff like that. So just as we’re making strides we gots more crap to deal with.

Maybe that’ll be a rant for another day. But seriously, when are we even going to get to 1% vegan population? I know some of you think that we’re already there, some polls suggest that. I don’t buy it. In my son’s school he’s the only vegan, that’s over 400 kids. The same was for me at university when I started the first vegetarian society. Maybe 50 members at our peak. Not everyone who’s vegan will join, I know that, but we got a lot of blowback and hardly any support, even covert.

You feel me, where are the vegans in the supermarket. Like c’mon people, let’s start a fad or something… at least!

Still verily vegan,


Jason

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