I thought that I’d try a gentler approach today on Vegan Valor. I want to give you 13 lucky reasons why you should go vegan. Something to spice up your vegan raison d’etre. That’s your vegan reason for being. So let’s just get right into it shall we. One small caveat, this isn’t a comprehensive list and frankly if I wrote this a month from now it might include other or different reasons. If you feel like I’ve missed anything, please add some reasons in your comments.
Reason 1
Because I said you’d be lucky. Okay, okay I joke. The first reason and remember I’m all about the ethical perspective is that you’ll be saving over 100 sentient lives per year. Or so say PeTA. And I think they’re right.
Reason 2
Carrying on with reason 1 or more particularly the link from PeTA I just posted above, you’ll have the opportunity to become the World Sexiest Vegan. This is an honor that I personally have been awarded 9 times! And if you believe that I’ve got an acre of soybeans to sell you in Tuktoyaktuk. But seriously, they do have a competition for ordinary mortals too. Not just celebs.
Reason 3
This one is for the fellas. You’ll have a harder, longer and stronger tool when you grow up. Yeah, I’m talking about your dick. Impotence is the gift that you get from killing and feasting on animals. You want to stay hard and strong for the ladies, then you’ll go vegan my friend. Nothing is sadder than a forty year old who can’t get an erection. Get off the train before Loserville.
Reason 4
I’m staying with the sex talk for now. Vegan’s taste better, I’ve heard it from porn stars and girlfriends (those two are not the same :)). Of course you’d taste better if you weren’t eating rotting and decaying flesh. I’m talking about your cum Spunky! Same goes for the ladies by the way. I can vouch for that. I’m a lover not a hater.
Reason 5
Fuck the grim reaper. Last I heard, folks with a cholesterol level of 150 mg/dl or less were heart attack proof. Guess what the only way to get your cholesterol down that low naturally… vegan diet. Yeah, I wanna live for a hundred years and be a burr in society’s meat eating, maggot infested consciousness.
Reason 6
Dude, those six packs are poppin’. Yeah, you’ll be leaner than those who remain the living graveyards of murdered beasts. Vegans’ metabolisms generally run hotter and our dietary makeup is less calorie dense. That means we ain’t as fat as the meat eaters.
Reason 7
Carrying on with sex, it’s on my brain now that you made me write reasons 3 and 4, your dick is huge. Every 10 pounds you lose makes your dick look an inch bigger. I ain’t lying player. And ladies, y’all know that it matters… even just a little bit… am I right. Damn straight.
Reason 8
You’ll go to heaven or nirvana because of all that good karma. Fuck that, you’ll got to heaven and kick Jesus’ arse for letting them animals suffer. You saw my quote from Epicurus:
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?
I ain’t got no time for omnipotent lame-arse gods. However, I do believe in karma dude, and that’s a dogma with a big nasty bite.
Reason 9
You’re in good company. Count amongst your friends the following cool dudes and dudettes. Gene Baur, Daniel Negreanu, Bob and Jenna Torres (shout out), Steve Wynn, Mike Mahler (shout out), Sarah Kramer (hugs), John Joseph (hell yeah) and a host of other notables that don’t need additional recognition and that’s why I didn’t include them. You can check out a comprehensive list here. Maybe I’ll write about some of the other cool vegans on an upcoming post. Let me know if you want to hear about others sisters and brothers from different mothers. On a side note, do me a favor and support these vegan superstars a’ight?
Reason 10
We’re not supposed to eat meat. That’s the god’s honest truth. Well, it’s the real truth anyway. Anyone saying otherwise is just lying or in bed with the meat industry.
Reason 11
You get to wear wicked clothing like hemp and other cool stuff. Plus if you’re a lawyer, accountant or other mainstream professionals you’ll fuck with people’s paradigms when they find out you’re vegan. We’re not all hippies and skaters.
Reason 12
You’ll love to cook even if you never have. No more blood and guts dripping all over the place and making you sick with salmonella and all other manner of nasties. Cooking smells good. Think garlic, onions, cumin, mushrooms etc. To get started, buy Sarah’s book How It All Vegan. Do it.
Reason 13
You’ll be able to write a blog that no one reads and get to rant and rave. I’m telling you, it’s cathartic. Don’t be a sheeple be part of the 1 percenters. Or less, 1% of folks being vegan might be generous. Get in on the avant garde before it becomes mainstream.
There’s 13 lucky reasons for you to go vegan. Just do it and reap the benefits. If I’ve neglected a reason, add it to the comments below. Later vegan player,
Jason